The Joy of Aviation

She was somebody else’s girlfriend. She was quite pretty, very intelligent, and well educated. Maybe some of us airport bums would be put off by the done-on-purpose Park Lane accent (from Radcliffe as I remember). But all of us were acting the part of ace-hero-airplane-driver. We pulled in our bellies, puffed out our chests, and tried to look steely-eyed and sharp-chinned through our wrap-around sunglasses. We swapped lies about wild flights, dumb stunts, and hazards endured (or imagined) in self-deprecating tones.

We knew better than to play that sort of game with Debbie, Julie, Mavis, or Rhonda (all flight instructors). But she was somebody else’s girlfriend. And she was playing the equivalent game with us: asking sharp questions and looking intently through her lavender-lensed designer sunglasses. Her friend had just given her her first ride in a small airplane. She enjoyed it. Let it be recorded to his credit that he didn’t do any of the idiotic stunts that scare passengers, that he flew his Cherokee in a completely professional manner.

She was asking sharp questions. It didn’t take her long to go through the usual questions: “How safe is flying?” Pretty safe. “Safer than driving?” Well… safer than motorcycles for sure, “California freeways?” Maybe, depends on what time of day. “Safer than horses?” Hell, Parachutes are safer than horses!

“Have you ever been afraid of anything while flying?” She asked. I think she got that line from The High and the Mighty.
Now, Ace Hero Airmen (like us) are never afraid. Never. Well, hardly ever. Besides, those of us who haven’t read the book have seen the movie. Let’s see now, what’s the authorized answer to that one? Oh, yes: “Sure, all the time.”
She pushed up her lavender sunglasses. “What is it,” she asked, “that pilots are most afraid of?”

Now it happens that I had the answer to that one. But before I tell you, maybe you’d like to take a guess.
Bad weather? Clouds? Thunderstorms? No. Even death and dismemberment don’t make the top ten. Turbulence? Structural failure? Engine failure? No, but engine failure and mid-air collisions make the top ten. Maybe they just barely make the top ten. Controllers? Talking to towers? No, but that’s close.

What is it, then? I’ll tell you what I told her: Extreme embarrassment.

Do you think I’m kidding? Some pilots won’t fly into a tower-controlled field because they are afraid of embarrassing themselves by saying something wrong. Tower-trained pilots are afraid of doing something embarrassing at a non-tower field. If you do something embarrassing at an uncontrolled field (land downwind, for example), the good ol’ boys sitting on the porch (there is always a porch for good ol’ boys to sit on at an uncontrolled field) will talk about it for years.

People have died of embarrassment. I have read reports and heard tapes of pilots that were lost, low on fuel, or over an undercast who finally managed to screw up their courage and face the embarrassment of admitting that they were in trouble. Usually you read the reports when it was too late. You don’t read about the cases where the pilot overcame his embarrassment early enough for the help to be useful.

She pulled down her lavender sunglasses and looked at me through them. “Have you ever been embarrassed, yourself?” she asked.

“Well, sure…”, I didn’t really want to talk about it.

I thought about the time I groundlooped in front of Boeing Tower…
Tower: “Cessna 777, are you experiencing difficulties?”
Me: “No, not now that I’ve got the son-of-a-bitch stopped”
Tower: “Cessna 777, taxi to the ramp.”

I thought about the time I landed downwind at an uncontrolled field, and didn’t realize it until I found myself face-to-face with a line of airplanes taxiing out for takeoff. To rub it in, the good ol’ boys in the other airplanes all rolled off the taxiway onto the grass and waited until I had passed.

Sure, I’ve been embarrassed, but I don’t want to talk about it to the girl in the lavender sunglasses.

(c) copyright 1990 Roger Kuykendall

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Roger does a great job fessing up to what pilots are really afraid of…. but are afraid to admit.

I have to say that “doing or saying something embarrassing” is by far my biggest fear in flying. It might be a pride thing. I’m very proud of my precise and safe flying.  If I do or say something a little off script, it spoils my self image of that perfect aviator.

Then again, as the years pass, and my hours build, I’m getting more comfortable with the little gaffs here and there because, after all, I am human.  Accepting that over time has removed much of the “fear” of flying and made it even more enjoyable.

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